Wait For Me!

It seems I'm always looking for my husband.  When we go shopping, he somehow disappears.  He's with me one minute and the next minute, he's GONE!  It doesn't matter where we are.  If it involves shopping, he vanishes.  Walking in a store, I will turn to comment on a shirt that I've found for him, but is he there beside me? No. He's in another section entirely. Either that, or he says he'll "wait" outside the shop for me. By 'wait', he means that if I nip into a store for three minutes he will be 'waiting' several stores away where, of course I can't see him.  For times like these, we have our 'signal'.  It involves a melodic whistle.  Yes, people think I'm rude or crazy, but you can understand my frustration, can't you?  He's there; he's gone! Where is he? Fweeeeeeeet!!  Fweeeeeeet!! I think that's him, halfway down the mall.  Oh, it is! He's the small dot on the horizon, waving at me.

This brings me to the night in question.  It was a cold one; the perfect night to rent a good movie, share some popcorn, and snuggle on the sofa under a warm blanket. So, off to the mall we drove.  J.P. pulled up at the back door and stopped.  I exited the car and said, "Be back in a few.  Wait for me here, okay?" "Okay," he said.  I made my way to the video store where I perused the shelves until I found the 'one' that would please us both, paid for it and headed to the other end of the mall, to the supermarket where I bought the required snack. Mission accomplished, I walked the length of the mall to the back exit.  

I opened the door. No car. "Oh," I sighed resignedly, accustomed to his disappearances, "he probably drove around to the side door to wait for me near the video shop." Through the door I went and over to the door nearest the video store. Opened it.  "Nope. Not here. Maybe he didn't want me to have to walk all the way back through the mall from the grocery store?  He knew I was going to get popcorn. He must be at the front door by the supermarket waiting for me." Back through the mall to the entrance. Outside...looked around.  "Not here!" Feeling exasperated and not just a little vexed, I could sense my blood pressure mounting.  I retraced my steps....back to the side door, and again to the back door.  NOT AT EITHER DOOR!!! Once again to the side door. "Okay, calm down. Just go to the front door again. He must be parked near the supermarket," I reasoned.  I jogged through the mall.  "No, he isn't here!  Where is he?" Stifling my frustration, I forced myself to walk very calmly albeit quickly to the back door.  There was his car!  I couldn't believe it.  There he was, parked a short distance away by the curb. He hadn't been there, before!  I opened the door and flung myself down onto the seat in the dark car.  I threw my head against the headrest dramatically and commenced to lambaste him! "WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN?  I'VE GONE BACK AND FORTH FROM THE BACK DOOR TO THE SIDE DOOR TO THE FRONT DOOR THREE TIMES!! WHERE WERE YOU???? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT HERE FOR ME!  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!  I'M EXHAUSTED AND SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW!!! SO, SO AGGRAVATED!!  I HATE WHEN YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT!"  No answer for five beats and then I heard an unfamiliar voice, "You're in the wrong car."